Free-writing … stream of consciousness … chaotic … a mine-field of projects, ideas … and so little quiet today … the interior life clashing with the exterior … loving the work I do but longing for quiet, solitude, time to dream, imagine, think through … the math enrichment groups will start up next week … what topics will best suit those students … the book study on Wednesday nights … seeing a potential for freedom … freedom from dutiful participation to loving relationship … reflections on school leadership … casting a vision for the coming year … uncovering the path … our next steps … bringing clarity and vision to teachers whose work is constant.
That’s the one issue that keeps my mind whirring … it’s the vision casting. That phrase … “on the tip of the tongue” … just “on the cusp of change” … that’s where we are … but a leap … even a leap of faith … might not be the chosen path. It’s as if the chosen path is blurred, a bit distant, tangled vines of philosophy, practice, goals blocking the way. Roadblocks of uncertainty as well. Maybe tangled vines is the wrong word picture … maybe instead it’s one of those seemingly complicated tangled puzzles … tangled threads in which loosening just the right knot causes all the parts and pieces to fall into place. That’s what I’m seeking … that one knot that needs loosening.
Finding quiet today has been challenging … not just the absence of noise, but also the inner stillness. Interesting today that the devotional thoughts I read both addressed the same topic … pursue Jesus, not spirituality, not spiritual disciplines … not that those are “wrong” … just that they are no substitute for relationship … Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection] … Hebrews 12:2a
And now you live dispersed on ribbon roads,
And no man knows or cares who is his neighbor …
But all dash to and fro in motor cars,
Familiar with the roads and settled nowhere.
Much to cast down, much to build, much to restore
Oh my soul, be prepared for the coming of the Stranger.
Be prepared for him who knows how to ask questions.
~T.S.Eliot
